Day 140 – Confidence

I struggle with pride, as this blog has revealed countless times. But on the other hand, with different subjects, I’m also prone to self-doubt. A big challenge comes in front of me and I tend to feel overwhelmed, incapable of moving forward. That’s a problem I’m attempting to tackle.

What I know to be true, though, is the overwhelming feeling isn’t from God. Ultimately, I’m producing that (perhaps with the help of the Devil) and it’s because there has been no greater opponent for me than me. Ever. Regardless of circumstances.

I am my own worst enemy. I am the living embodiment of Paul’s words in Romans 7:

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. -Romans 7:18-19

Literally — nothing at all good dwells on me that isn’t Christ. He’s taking me over, block by block, and it’s a bloody fight. I’m a relentless opponent, unfortunately — because as the Apostle says, I can’t even regularly identify good vs evil — but when I do make that call correctly, I’ll likely still go the wrong way.

Tragic.

But how does that apply to work and fitness? Well, sometimes it’s hard. Keep working. Keep trying. Search for a new angle, try a different approach. Ask questions. Do research. Drink some coffee. Get enough sleep.

Don’t quit. Ever. Now, I titled this post “Confidence” because even in the worst circumstances, we do need to believe in ourselves. After all, Christ dwells within us, which gives us new breath. We can stand. We can walk.

I’m reading “Return of the King” about LeBron James’ return to Cleveland. Pretty interesting book, and it brought back to mind a quote from James during the 2015 Finals, right before Game 6. Golden State had clawed out to a 3-2 lead and smashed the Cavaliers in Game 5. It looked dire.

James said:

I feel confident because I’m the best player in the world. It’s that simple.

The Cavs lost, but that attitude wasn’t wrong. James was the best — remains the best now — and that knowledge pushes him through each practice and every training session. ”

If I do the requisite amount of work — if I bleed, sweat, cry and sacrifice — I’ll get better, too. Maybe I won’t be the LeBron James of something, but I can be better than the Adam Adkins of May 1, 2017. That’s the target.

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